My son has always been different than his peers. In a world where conformity is often desired, I am grateful for many of my son's unique qualities.
I won't pretend that I have never longed for Stephen to be "normal". I remember when Stephen was in second grade and I saw one of the popular, athletic boys gracefully jog down the school hallway. Tears welled up in my eyes and I silently grieved for my son who would never be popular, athletic or graceful. The tears followed me years later when Stephen went to junior high and he had no desire to participate in social groups, joining teams and participating in clubs. In high school, when Stephen's peers were getting drivers' licenses, going to dances and hanging out with friends on weekends, it pained me that my son was missing so many teenaged rites of passage.
While I have occasionally mourned various aspects of Stephen's Asperger's, there are many more times I have celebrated his unusual traits.
I was recently reminded of how fortunate I am to have a son like Stephen. As I was discussing Stephen with an acquaintance, she asked whether I thought Stephen was accountable when he did something bad.
The question perplexed me - not because I wrestled with his level of accountability, but because I couldn't think of any example of Stephen doing something bad.
"Bad" implies a forethought or intent to do something wrong. Stephen may do or say things that are inappropriate or that appear insenstive, but his heart is pure. I saw many examples of Stephen's wonderful heart through the years, but until this conversation, I had viewed them more as anecodotal rather than broader evidence of my son's unadulterated heart.
One example of this evidence was a bizarre conversation I had with my son about five years ago after his younger brother had received several nice birthday gifts. When I stopped by Stephen's room to see how he was faring, it soon became apparent that he was oblivious that Hayden's cache of presents should be a source of discontent for him. He was incredulous when I explained the emotion of jealousy to him.
Stephen will never be normal. My son is not encumbered with the darker emotions of human nature that most people struggle a lifetime to overcome, such as malice, jealousy, guile, selfishness and greed. And for that, this mother is grateful.
I won't pretend that I have never longed for Stephen to be "normal". I remember when Stephen was in second grade and I saw one of the popular, athletic boys gracefully jog down the school hallway. Tears welled up in my eyes and I silently grieved for my son who would never be popular, athletic or graceful. The tears followed me years later when Stephen went to junior high and he had no desire to participate in social groups, joining teams and participating in clubs. In high school, when Stephen's peers were getting drivers' licenses, going to dances and hanging out with friends on weekends, it pained me that my son was missing so many teenaged rites of passage.
While I have occasionally mourned various aspects of Stephen's Asperger's, there are many more times I have celebrated his unusual traits.
I was recently reminded of how fortunate I am to have a son like Stephen. As I was discussing Stephen with an acquaintance, she asked whether I thought Stephen was accountable when he did something bad.
The question perplexed me - not because I wrestled with his level of accountability, but because I couldn't think of any example of Stephen doing something bad.
"Bad" implies a forethought or intent to do something wrong. Stephen may do or say things that are inappropriate or that appear insenstive, but his heart is pure. I saw many examples of Stephen's wonderful heart through the years, but until this conversation, I had viewed them more as anecodotal rather than broader evidence of my son's unadulterated heart.
One example of this evidence was a bizarre conversation I had with my son about five years ago after his younger brother had received several nice birthday gifts. When I stopped by Stephen's room to see how he was faring, it soon became apparent that he was oblivious that Hayden's cache of presents should be a source of discontent for him. He was incredulous when I explained the emotion of jealousy to him.
Stephen will never be normal. My son is not encumbered with the darker emotions of human nature that most people struggle a lifetime to overcome, such as malice, jealousy, guile, selfishness and greed. And for that, this mother is grateful.
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